Here you are, your first day as President Zee of Landistan. The blue and gold Landistan flag proudly waves over your brand new office building, equipped with gleaming furniture made from the finest local mahogany.
Vice President Ay strides in, hands full of official papers. Ay’s rival faction joined with yours to gain independence and so he is Vice President, partly because he is competent and partly on the Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer principle. Your fellow-fighter Bi is the leader of Parliament for much the same reason.
Your country has been by colonized by Albion for over 100 years and Landers are poor, illiterate and expecting miracles now that independence has finally come. Officially, Albion is gone, but its corporate owners stayed behind. They control the uranium mines, the natural gas fields and 80% of the fertile land. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of poor Landers huddle in tin and cardboard huts, expecting you to make it all good.
You decide to buy back the land and give parcels to the people so they can grow food… and to nationalize the uranium mines and the natural gas franchise. The foreign owners are not going to like it one bit, so you borrow money to compensate them from the People’s Republic of Hin (PRH), Albion’s rival. Albion won’t like that one bit, either, but you know what? Screw them.
Five years pass and literacy has risen to 90%, life expectancy has risen by ten years and you have repaid the PRH loan for the land. You learn Ay is plotting a coup against you and when you try to arrest him, he returns to his province and arms his people. You send your troops and when his people start shooting, your troops wipe out the whole village, 2,000 people! Sweet Moses on a pool float-who trained those troops? Blackwater?
Meanwhile Albion has slapped sanctions on Landistan so you can’t sell uranium and someone has hired thugs in ski masks to blow up the gas pipelines. The Landers are grumbling; they expected to be much better off by now.
How is all this reported in the NEWS?
Bloomberg Business: Landistan: Another Failed State
Standard & Poors: Landistan bonds rated “junk”
Albion Times: Bloodbath in Landistan-30,000 Feared Dead
Reuters: Weapons, US military advisors to Landistan
New York Times: Freedom fighters sabotage kleptocrat’s pipelines
The Guardian: Dictator Zee’s Abysmal Record on LGBT rights and Green Energy
PRH Online: West must respect Landistan’s soverignty
Alex Jones: CIA is blowing up pipelines again-and they’re coming for YOUR GUNS!
Fox News: Zee…Worse than Hitler